Caren Ware's Blog

November 2, 2011

Not too much

Filed under: fitness,Women Running — Caren Ware @ 8:10 am

Can I share with you something you already know? I have some defense mechanisms  that have not served me too well. I over accommodate people that far from deserve it and do ridiculous things…spend my own money, time, and toil to appease them. A spice of this is good and keeps business coming back. But I tend to take on a full plate of people that take advantage of it.  My feeling of flight may be flight from myself and HOW I DO business. I get myself entrapped in over the top situations about weekly. That is easy to do in a business that demands over the top anyway. I could use some protection from myself. I need a good manager…good self-manager…a good clear responding me.  It will be good to see what happens as I try and let others be accountable for themselves.

These past weeks have been good for business, but not so good for me internally. When  pressed, my mechanisms take over whether I want them to or not. A side flare of embellishing stories. .Picking up the tap. Saying yes when NO is so very appropriate. Going only slightly ‘oh well’ when someone blatantly drops the ball…and then doing it for them. I am the one responsible for the consequences of my own flaw though I deny it.  I pretend it is because others make me do it. Life without this excess is already a load! Life overloaded is havoc.  How can I care about you, but not feel obligated? Learning to do so is a quest of mine.
I can already see how resentment would take that flight out of my life instead of me wanting flight from the very situations I over create.

With over obligation, I start to feel fake, hollow, and scared and the walls go
up…and I start to be invaded by  this…don’t get too close to me feeling that shuts out even the things I want close to me. Help me to not go there. It wastes precious time in life.  There is so much worth getting close too.  I am going to love you for you by not helping you TOO much.  I’ll offer that great balance of just a little more than enough because that is who I am. But remind me not to love you too much.

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