Caren Ware's Blog

May 21, 2010

The sun keeps setting…

Filed under: Uncategorized — Caren Ware @ 5:50 am

In at 1am last night from the Improv class. Not complaining. Couldn’t think of a better place for me to acquire natural, free flowing communication skills. It only works on stage when you CONNECT to the other person. WAIT. LISTEN (big word for fast tracked me). BE all about the other person. And ,then ,a connected and special scene starts to form, without working at it. I have learned to love and appreciate all the aspects of each person in that class and that is an even bigger learning nugget then communication skills . PEOPLE. That each person is so divinely themselves that their mannerism, likes, dislikes, tempo, physical features, all shapes and sizes make them a present worth interacting with. We can PLAY off of anyone. We can have them join in. And we all make up a great scene of human diversity. I hope I am decribing this right. But what a discovery this is for me and the connectedness makes me reverent and I am relaxing.

So here’s today. 7am. Phones ringing. Emails for some race results changes and stats. 4 complicated races to pre prep this weekend. The San Bernardino Mud Run looks like it will have close to 3,000 gutsy participants who will wallow in a well staged obstacle bog. The Ironman Company is getting prodigies enthused about triathlons in their IRONKIDS series. We time one of these ,staged like a full IRONMAN ,events in San Diego this weekend. Plus we have two other 5k/10K runs. The download from Active.com blocked out 1400 of the ages for the Mud Run. That would be a problem! Half the crowd not getting their age division standings. We did a lot of jockeying with the tech crew to fix that. So the day went on and on with triathlon chips, bibs, and trucks and trailers, and it grew grey and then dark outside…and I was determined to run my 8 miles. So determined I left at 8:30 in the dark. Needless to say, I was pissy today. I didn’t want to run in the dark. I wanted my work day to end when it should have. I was angry today. Angry that the world didn’t get to stop. Something so very tragic had happened and I just now would get to grapple with it.

So in the dark, I ran feeling the pavement beneath my feet. Hating that I lived in the mountains and had no choice, but to run a solid mile up hill no matter which direction. Ugh. But then there was this sliverr of a half moon. And the stars actually twinkled. An a loan coyoted yelped way off in the distance. And I ran by a pond somewhere because zillions of frogs were croaking .They really do ribbit. And the wind was still. The trees were still. And the temperatures teasing with a subtle hint of summer. I felt…glad to be here. So I let myself be in this moment and just run and run. God, you have to be something BIG. And I ask You to be BIG enough to strengthen a single mother and her two sons right now. I was finally ready to let myself feel the tragedy. We had become close to this single mom and her three children when my daughter and Jim had done productions at LIFEHOUSE theatre in Redlands. My daughter choose to go to a performing arts Highschool for a while and commuted, using their address. She stayed with them many times. Although, black, (skin just being a color on the outside) they took us in as family. Kinship. The entire pod were theatrical and had gifted voices and outrageous personalities. We were being told that the teenage daughter was struggling. Sturggling with being accepted, eating, with…just teen struggling. Don’t all teens? But this one did’t get the chance to DISCVOERY that nugget of truth. That each of us comes in all shapes and sizes and that we matter immensely. That we PLAY off of each other and that a stage, the stage of life, is ,most intereseting when it is FULL of characters. All kinds. Not just cheerleaders and football players. That the quirky and mild, and intense and determined , are as much, or more intriguing.

This precious, hard working, humerous, talented mom got to find her daughter in their home, HUNG, last night. Her daughter took her own life. And her brothers that loved her so.. How can this be? How can we not convey to everybody that we are NUGGETs. God’s golden choices. As individually unique as our finger prints. I KNOW this mother showered this on her daughter and she still chose to hear another voice. Sometimes, it IS hard for any of us. There are times we all feel like we on the bottom. Disjointed. But we can discover that by being about the people around us. Just being willing to LISTEN. To wait. And to be about the other people on the stage and relishing their uniqueness makes connectiveness…and we don’t even have to work at it. It just happens. And it is beautiful. Interacting with people becomes beautiful.

Feel the tragedy of this all with me. It is what crying is for. Feel for the mom and her two sons. Oh, so dang. That was a young, young life that didn’t get to DISCOVER.

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