Caren Ware's Blog

May 15, 2010

Hit the ground running or…just duck.

Filed under: Uncategorized — Caren Ware @ 6:45 am

Last Friday. Ok. Had to get to a packet pick up in El Segundo (Dick’s Sporting Goods) for the Palos Verdes Marathon. Great, then I will run their Half Marathon Course. That will be my long run for the week. I am only 10 weeks out from my first ‘OFF this CONTINENT” Marathon. But logistics for getting ready for the timing the event and the Friday traffic cut my time short and I only got 7 miles in. They were pretty. Rolling Hills Estates and Palos Verdes Peninsula is some of the best vista coastline in California. Plus it is plush. And I like plush. I like manicured landscaping, custom, unique homes, and pristine streets. Best are hills that you can look out from. But the mileage was short. So on Sunday, I try again. Ok. I will go back up the mountain after we time the Mayor’s Route 66 5k/10K. I purposely took the closer event and let my staff take care of a complicated Sports Festival in Encinitas. My plan was to dash back up the hill and run loops around Lake Gregory in Crestline. The county had smoothed out a dirt running path all the way around the lake. You could mix it up with some trails and it was always pleasant mileage. Plus I could end it at Lake Gregory Coffee Shop and they had killer sandwiches and baked goods. Yum. It is all about the rewards! But no, two of my staff needed to get back to their car in the mountains. I had to wait their arrival from Encinitas at a gas station in Devore. No offense, population that lives there, but what the heck. Devore is where the 15 and the 215 meet…on the way somewhere else. I took off on my run as I waited…in the heat. In the smog. By industrial buildings. Over railroad tracks. By a bar. They all piled out to whoop and watch me run by. Drunk at noon. Too sorry. Two broken down carloads drove by. Too slow. Windows rolling down. Comments. Not willing to listen to what they said. No eye contact. Made it to Glen Helen Park. It was large and largely under used. Only salvage were the colorful ducks. I stopped running and watched them for a few minutes. Then I felt overworked and sorry for myself . I gave up, made my way back to my parked truck at the gas station and just waited till I could pick up my staff and go take a shower.

The little Courage to Change book said that today is all I have. To make today the most fully alive day I have ever experienced. Not. Today felt ugly. I missed the voice. Didn’t want any other voice. I didn’t like today. I spent a lifetime caretaking and working and being disconnected. It all felt so cumulative. I was tired from the volume of it all. I needed sleep. I needed rest. Not a run.

Ps. My bumper came to $1295. Add that to my daughter’s lost retainers and the gas hose I pulled out of the tank….my travel fund just got smaller and my motivation to have to replace it will have to get bigger. No room for sorrys.

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